so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
