After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
