Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
