hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
