I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
