I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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