When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
