Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
