dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
