Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize