just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
