Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
