I wish I could teleport
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
