My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
