you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
