I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
