Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
