He told me they were just razor bumps!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
