Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
