I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
