I should be sponsored by Trojan
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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