I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
