Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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