dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sext me about skeletons
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
