real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
