out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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