Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
