if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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