he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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