Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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