I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
