Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
