You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
