You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
