My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
