Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
