I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
