I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think i have two assholes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Randomize