They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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