She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
