i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
