you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize