I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
