He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
