Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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