you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
