Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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