I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
