ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
