You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my shit smells like andre
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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