yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
