neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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