After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
