Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
