if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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