Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
