found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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