Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
