Christians are straight up FREAKS
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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