I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize