Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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