I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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