i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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