i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
