...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
