So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
