We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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