If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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