I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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