the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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