She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
