shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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