Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
