she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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