If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
