Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
