i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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