My first STD was from a foam party
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
