I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
