I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
