Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
