yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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