the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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