the day after is always just damage control
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize