Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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