I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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