I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
