i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
