i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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