great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
should my penis look like a turkey
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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