My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
