hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
