im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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