I faked an abortion last night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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