Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
