we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Operation Purity has been aborted
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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