Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
