I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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