i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize