My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
