He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
