Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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