Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you had me at cake vodka
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
