yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
