Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
