Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
