these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize