I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
