So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
