i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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