I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
