It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
