He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
