the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize