I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
BRING THE BAGELS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
