Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
